THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART
D’ARTAGNAN IS TRYING TO SQUEEZE BY PORTHOS IN A NARROW STREET AND IT’S LIKE THE UH EXCUSE ME OH NO YOU FIRST UH OH THANKS
EXCEPT EVEN MORE AWKWARD BECAUSE THE WIND BLOWS PORTHOS’ CLOAK AROUND D’ARTAGNAN AND HE GETS WRAPPED UP LIKE A FUCKING NOOB BURRITO
I CAN’T EVEN DO IT JUSTICE JUST
But at the street gate, Porthos was talking with the soldier on guard. Between the two talkers there was just enough room for a man to pass. D’Artagnan thought it would suffice for him, and he sprang forward like a dart between them. But d’Artagnan had reckoned without the wind. As he was about to pass, the wind blew out Porthos’s long cloak, and d’Artagnan rushed straight into the middle of it. Without doubt, Porthos had reasons for not abandoning this part of his vestments, for instead of quitting his hold on the flap in his hand, he pulled it toward him, so that d’Artagnan rolled himself up in the velvet by a movement of rotation explained by the persistency of Porthos.
"Bless me!" cried Porthos, making strong efforts to disembarrass himself of d’Artagnan, who was wriggling about his back; "you must be mad to run against people in this manner."
AND PORTHOS IS EMBARRASSED BC D’ARTAGNAN GOT CLOSE ENOUGH TO SEE THAT HIS CLOAK’S EMBELLISHMENT ISN’T REAL GOLD SO HE GETS ALL PISSY AND CHALLENGES HIM TO A FIGHT FOR “HONOR”
THIS WHOLE BOOK SO FAR IS ABOUT MEN FEELING LIKE THEY’RE GETTING LAUGHED AT AND STARTING FIGHTS ABOUT IT
IT’S MALE TEARS: THE NOVEL